great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
