3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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