We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
