You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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