Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
they're like a gay fantastic four
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
