it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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