OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
