were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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