I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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