____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
