After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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