I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
