i wish my penis had a tongue
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
