there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize