Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So apparently I’m into choking now
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
