Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
