rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
