I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
