omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
