he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
