and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
