We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
