It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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