Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
