first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Come on in and take your pants off
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