I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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