How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
