why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
