I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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