there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
