I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
