some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
