My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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