he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
At least life still wants to fuck me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
