yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
