Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
