Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
