did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize