Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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