Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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