FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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