I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
