I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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