My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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