Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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