Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
