I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
