moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I pour the whiskey from now on
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
