wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
