I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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