I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
