you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
