he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
