how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
