Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
