Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
