Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
