Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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