I bet he comes in French.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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