it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
