I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
