We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I came so hard my ears popped.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
