what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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