All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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