Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
