By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
