I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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