Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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