if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize