This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
