so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm at about main and main street
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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