I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
