Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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