i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
