when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
