You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
