Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
