$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
