why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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