i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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