yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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