Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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