I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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